No expectations, no disappointment. That’s my personal philosophy. I prefer to be a tabula rasa when I experience something new so that I can be sure what I feel and see is 100% mine and not in any way affected by what I’ve read or heard. I usually do the research afterwards. This is what I did with Ayahuasca too. The only thing I knew was that I’m going to the jungle to drink an Amazonian brew with a group of people who just like me hope to experience something they’ve never experienced before. All I did was check the ‘Come prepared’ page on the Dreamglade website, googling an Ayahuasca diet and watching the movie ‘Blueberry’ on my friend’s recommendation. The ‘Come prepared’ page got me ready for the trip from the practical point of view. The diet prepared my body. I followed it strictly, especially last couple of weeks. Too much was at stake and I didn’t want to take any chances. And finally ‘Blueberry’ prepared me mentally. It gave me a general understanding of what might happen during the ceremonies. That was all my preparation.
Looking back I can say the Dreamglade website provides a sufficient list of things you should consider to bring. I’d really stress few things from this list – notebook (diary), head torch, lighter and natural (DEET free) insect repellent. My diary was a lifesaver. After each ceremony I felt very confused and lost. Writing everything down really helped me to put my thoughts into order and understand what I’ve seen and why. There is no electricity in the jungle so a head torch is a very useful thing especially when you need to get to your tambo after the ceremony in the middle of the night. As for lighters, it’s hard to explain but even if you are not a heavy smoker, very soon you come to realise that lighters are one of the most valuable tools there. If I ever go to Dreamglade again I’ll bring a big box of lighters for everyone. And finally about mosquitos. I didn’t get any vaccines before going to Peru. All I did was bringing a good natural insect repellent with me. I must say that the guys in Dreamglade do their best to keep the mosquitoes away. I heard the buzzing outside moloca couple of times but I didn’t get bitten once in the jungle. Funnily enough, I got bitten once in Iquitos on the way home, when I stopped using my repellent. And don’t be scared of the jungle. If you treat it with respect it’ll treat you the same in return.
I’ve been thinking for a while how to describe my Ayahuasca experience and I simply don’t see any reasonable way to do it without people thinking I’m absolutely mad. I wrote down everything has happened to me during the ceremonies in my diary but I wouldn’t read it myself again, let alone giving it to someone else. If I ever decide to share it with the world I’ll write a fairy tale or a magic story, as it seems to be the only way anyone can make any sense out of it, including myself. As for people who are just planning to do Ayahuasca, a description of my experience wouldn’t help you anyway. I’ve read and watched many testimonials since I came back from Peru. Apart from few similar patterns they are all very different. I can assure you, your ceremonies will be very different from mine or anyone else’s. Your experience will be yours and yours only.
All I can say about my Ayahuasca journey is that I saw the past, present and future. She helped me to understand and let go the most traumatic childhood experience that affected all my life. Ayahuasca gave me the answers to nearly all the questions I’ve ever had – about life, love, death, universe and much more. She showed me the real world. She showed me the real me. She took me down the darkest hole and up to the most beautiful places. It was hard. It was easy. It was scary. It was amazing. It was everything you can and cannot imagine.
One of the things I understood during the ceremonies is how important to feel safe and be safe when you drink Ayahuasca. It’s not so much about the type of Ayahuasca you drink or how much of it you drink, it’s all about you and about people who go on that journey with you. When Ayahuasca was taking me to the very edge, when I was lost, scared or confused, the Dreamglade team were always there for me. And I’m very grateful to all of them for that. They do a really great job.
Stace is a fatherly figure in the ceremonies. He is tough and strong. He is the core and the centre. He is that very much needed ground that doesn’t let you fly away for good. Drew, on the other hand, is a motherly (or brotherly:) figure. He provides everyone with love and care. He gives comfort to the frightened ones and gently calms down the disturbed ones. Antonio awakens the deepest energies with his beautiful voice and his vibrant energy. Estella carries a deep knowledge about life and plants, and things that’s hard to describe or explain, but most importantly she heals souls. Each one of them makes Ayahuasca journey very special. Mine was at the same time the most beautiful and the most terrifying experience ever. And I wouldn’t swap it for anything. In fact, it is worth all the trips I’ve ever done in my life.
What has changed since then? Nothing major. The Earth is still turning around the Sun. My life hasn’t turned upside down. It is going as normally as ever – family, work, daily routine. All has changed is the way I look at the world, at people around me, at myself. First time in my life I don’t want to run away, either from others or myself. I’m happy where I am. I feel every moment I live deeply and intensely, and these are not just the words from a positive-thinking book. It’s simply happening and it’s absolutely amazing. I live, I breathe, I create, and that’s all that matters.
My Ayahuasca journey was absolutely breathtaking. It was most certainly the time of my life.Would I do it again? Yes, if Ayahuasca calls me again, I’ll go there without doubt. Ayahuasca gave me a quiet mind and an absolute inner peace. I left Peru with my heart full of gratitude to Ayahuasca for her amazing gifts; to the jungles for sharing all that beauty with me; to Dreamglade for being such a perfect place to recharge my batteries; to the staff for taking good care of us; to my two guardian angels for bringing me there and supporting me all the way through; to the rest of the group for being there for me; to Mo and Ella for guarding us days and nights; to Drew for all his love and gentle care (and his lighter:)); to Stace for being my lifebuoy; to Antonio for his beautiful music and to Estella for healing my soul.
One day I’ll be back.
